Learn the Truth About Puberty Sex
Puberty Sex is a tricky thing. Let me illustrate what I mean with a story. I had a friend once, she was everything that most teen girls want to be: beautiful, smart, fun, and popular. I envied her and wanted to be just like her. It seemed like she was going places and that nothing could stand in her way. She could date any guy in the school she wanted. With her grades she could get into any college she wanted to go to and be whatever she wanted to be. I asked her once in math class what she was going to do when she got out of high school, and she said that she wanted to get a nursing degree and eventually have a family.
Well because of puberty sex, my friend ended up having a family before she was ready and it changed the rest of her life. It all happened when she started dating one of the top athletes in our school. It seemed like once she started dating him that she became obsessed and nothing else mattered. And then it happened, she got pregnant. She had to drop out of school before even graduating and get a job to pay for baby expenses. The worst part is that her boyfriend dumped her, and I slowly watched her get more and more depressed. Now she was all alone and felt used by someone she loved and trusted. I will not tell you the rest of the story, but you can guess that she didn't end up getting that nursing degree or even going to college. My friend, always regretted not being able to be the kind of mom she hoped to be for her baby because she was just too young and didn't have a husband to help her raise it.
Everywhere you look people are promoting sex and making it look appealing even to teenagers. The truth is that it is really your choice whether or not your choose to have sex, but you are also responsible for the consequences of it. Many teens already know about some of the possible consequences such as teen pregnancy and getting a sexually transmitted disease. Even with the best protection you are not guaranteed that you will not get pregnant or that you will not get a disease. Even though they know about these things, their emotions take over in the moment and it is hard to think clearly. The other aspect is that if you start dating too young your brain is not fully developed to reason clearly--
see teen brain development page.
Planning Your Future and Deciding about Puberty Sex
One of the most important things you can learn to do as a teen is to decide what you want in life in the long run, and then make your everyday decisions congruent with that long term goal.
If you don't have this perspective, then your day-to-day decisions will be determined by how you feel or see things in the moment. That kind of "short-term" or "impulsive" thinking often leads to going down paths that you ultimately will regret. Sometimes what we want in the moment seems so urgent that we lose track of what we ultimately want more. This especially applies when it comes to Puberty Sex because it can greatly effect your life and even your future.
In order to reach our long term goals, it takes exercising discipline in the moment. Being able to exercise that kind of discipline is a sign of maturity. Some things you can do to make it easier on yourself to be disciplined is:
1.) stay out of situations that you know will tempt you do something that does not lead to your long term goal.
This includes surrounding yourself with friends that will support you in your goals and standards instead of pressuring you away from them.
2.) Decide before hand how you will act if you are in a tempting situation.
Think about potential situations in your head, and then decide how you will act. Then, when you are in the situation, you will already know what you are going to do and that makes it easier to do it.
What is "safe sex"?
When people talk about safe sex they are usually referring to using a condom when having sex. They do this to try to prevent pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. The truth is that there really is no such thing as "safe sex." No condom or other device or pill can ever guarantee that these things will not happen to you. You are always taking a risk whenever you do it. Oh wait there is one way you are safe, by not having puberty sex.
The truth is that there are many teens that
wait until they are married to have sex
. You have more to give your future husband if you "save yourself" for him. The one thing you won't give him,if you wait until marriage,is an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease.
What are the real consequences of puberty sex?
Besides some of these physical consequences, some of the greatest consequences of puberty sex happen to you emotionally. It is common for a girl to give her virginity away to some boy she thinks loves her, only to have him use her for sex and then leave her. It's not always easy to judge a boys' intentions, so its better to protect yourself.
Most girls don't get married as a teen so their relationships during that time lead to eventual breakups. It is almost inevitable that at some point you will get your heartbroken. Sex brings up very strong emotions that can cause you to feel extra attached to your partner. The heartbreak is that much greater for you when you break up if you have had sex then if you hadn't.
What are my Options?
You can choose to kiss, hug, cuddle, or have sex. There are many girls that choose to "wait" until they are married before having sex. Being in a marriage relationship protects from getting so deeply attached to someone through sex without them being committed to you. In fact, within marriage, sex has positive emotional benefits because it serves to strengthen that commitment you have already made with each other and renews it every time you make love.
The best way to protect yourself from the negative emotional effects of choosing to have sex as a teen is to wait until you are married and then to just have sex with your spouse. People choose to "save themselves" or not have sex until they are married for many reasons. It is not always easy to save yourself, but it is definitely worth it. I speak from experience, my first sexual experience was after I was married at age 28. Yeah, I waited 28 years!
The media is saturated with sexual plots and content on T.V. shows, movies and even commercials these days. They make it seem as if everyone is doing it and if you aren't having sex than you aren't normal. That is just not true.
You may also get pressure from your peers or a boyfriend to have sex. He may try to persuade or manipulate you by saying "if you really loved me you would do it." That is just a big lie. If he really loved you he would respect you enough to not pressure you into having sex. The right boy will respect your values and desires and happiness more than his own.
The choice is yours. Just realize you are playing with fire when it comes to puberty sex and you could get burned!
Other Helpful Pages
Boyfriend Advice on how to get your ex boyfriend back
To Go From Puberty Sex to Female Puberty Home Page
See why some teens wait to have sex...